Old Couple

There was an old couple laying in bed. The man turns and tells the woman, "If you want to have sex, pull on my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my dick one hundred times."

Cowboy's Favorite Position

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

Handjob and Cheese Sandwich

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Chicken Sandwich: $2.50; Hand Job: $10.00." Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

Hot Pics of Jennifer Lawrence

First Sex Experience With My Friend Jyothi

Hello every one; myself Prabhas 19, 5.11 inch tall. Well built and fair looking from Chennai. I’m regular reader of iss since last three years. I’m going to say about my first sex experience with my friend Jyothi.

I was 18 and was in 12th when my first experience took place. I live in quarters as my dad is working in army as officer. Ever she used to live in quarters. She was fair; hot and sexy in structure with the breast size of 32. She used to look gorgeous. She was one year elder than me. Every evening I and my friends (including her) used to play hide and seek. There was a lot of place to hide inside the quarters. As it was a huge big campus. There was big bushes’ to hide and there was lot of empty quarters to hide. We use to love playing every evening. We were totally ten friends (six boys and 4girls). One evening we all were playing hide and seek. But she was not here. So I went her home to call her. Her mom was sitting outside on the slab with her friends. She was busy in chit chatting. I asked her. Aunty where is Jyothi. She replied-go inside dear she will be watching TV.

I went into her home. She was not in the hall. I went into her room. She was naked. She just came from bath and wiping her wetness by towel. I was shocked to see her nude. I was enjoying and my tool got full erected. She saw me. And she ran away inside another room. I was scared and I went my home. I was scared what if she complaints to her mom. I was totally scared. That day I didn’t go to play. As we both are very frank to each other but never like this. Next day also I was very scared to face her. I was watching TV in my home instead of playing. Suddenly door bell rang. I opened. It was her. She asked y I’m not coming to play. I said I’m not interested to play today but she forcefully took me. I went to play. The catcher started counting and we were running to hide. I went into an empty quarter and went into a small store room. She also followed me and came inside the same room. She said she wanted to talk to me. I said OK tell me. She asked me to promise her that I should not say to anyone about what I saw last time in her home. I said OK promise I won’t.

She said if I wish she can do anything but not to say to anyone. I was erected by hearing that. I said you must give me a kiss everyday or else I will say to everyone. She agreed. I asked her to kiss me now. She gave me a kiss on my lips which I never expected. I pushed her on wall and pressed her boobs it was like sponge ball. She pushed me and said no don’t do this. And I didn’t do anything that day. And every day we use to kiss. And our kisses became like professionals. This continued for few months. One fine day I got up late in the morning so I could not go to school. I was bored at home so I started riding cycle. I was roaming inside campus. For my surprise she too didn’t go. She was happy to see me. She called me to her home for playing some indoor game. Her mom welcomed me. Me n Jyothi went to her room to play. She said me to sit on bed and she went to kitchen for bringing something to eat.

I saw her mobile which was on bed. I took and thought of playing some games in it. There were no games. So I thought of hearing some music. I went into received folder and I was shocked to see porn videos in her mobile. I started watching it. I was totally erected. Suddenly she came and caught me while watching. She took her mobile away. Her face was like she is feeling shameful. I asked her to give her mob. She said please don’t watch here. Mom is at home if she catches us. She will kill me. I said OK but I’m feeling like to watch now. She said lets go to Empty Quarter. Let’s watch there. And we both went there. We both sat inside one empty room and started watching porn. In beginning she acted as if she doesn’t like but later she too joined. I asked her to kiss me. She did. And I asked do u like watching sex videos? Do you ever have sex? She said-she said she likes to watch porn and she never got chance for sex but she would like to have sex she said. I was happy to hear this.

We both continued to watch. We both were so horny. She was well matured minded girl. I was able to feel her heat. I hold her hip and said I want to see u nude. I kissed her lips hard and again I asked she accepted and she asked me to become nude too. I removed her black sleeveless top. She removed my shirt. I removed her white bra. She was shivering. I removed my pants off and my under wear too. She was wearing skirt I asked her to remove. She ignored my request. I pulled her near me and started kissing her boobs and sucked her nipples very hard. She took my tool in her hand and started jerking. I said her to take in her mouth. She took and sucked for a while. Both were sweating. I started licking her armpits. They were tasty.

She became horny and herself removed her skirt and panty. She had a clean shaved pussy. She requested me to lick her pussy. I did. She started moaning. She said enough fuck me. I said it’s risky. She said will u fuck me or not? I agreed and started licking again. As I was young I dint had much long penis but was damn thick. And stamina was awesome. I tried to insert her but was not able to go in. I tried for two to four times but failed. I took some saliva and put it on my penis and then gave a heavy force and it went in. She shouted loudly. Her pussy was bleeding. I did slowly. After 20mins she was OK. I inserted slowly and was doing in and out. After 30mins I was feeling like to cum I said her I’m going to cum so I’m going to take my penis out. She said no. Cum inside me or else my plan will b waste. I dint get her. I asked her to cum again. She said she wanted to be nude in front of me. She was wearing towel that day. When she saw me coming inside she dropped her towel. She wanted to fuck by me. After that day we had sex many a times.

I fucked her friend Neha too. And I had sex with many girls till now. I will write my next experience very soon. Friends I hope u liked my story.

Mas-tur-bate

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

Naked lady

One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it. The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. All of a sudden, the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran."

Panty and 20$

Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"

Sex and Sandwich

A boy says to a girl, "So, sex at my place?" "Yeah!" "Okay, but I sleep in a bunk bed with my younger brother, and he thinks we're making sandwiches, so we have to have a code. Cheese means faster and tomato means harder, okay?" Later on the girl is yelling, "Cheese cheese, tomato tomato!" The younger brother says, "Stop making sandwiches! You're getting mayo all over my bed!"

I Need a Man

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Dildo and Kids

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

Horny Wife – The Tourist Attraction

My Name is Mathew Ronald I am now 18; currently in Vancouver Film School. I am a British. I had an amazing experience once in India. I went to a place called Pune in India for vacation on finishing my High school in 2013. I visited Pune film school for application and visited the film studio in the outskirts of Pune had fun in the beach cafe Living in a star hotel sweet room I was having my time. One day my brother called he said he knows this guy he works in United India Insurance Pune very nice chap he wanted to see you may be you could use his help to get familiarized with the city. I agreed to meet him one evening in his office plaza after his working hours. So I went to this company called United India Insurance; he was taking a class for the other staffs who have come for training men and women from all parts of India were present. Women wore a steamy spicy hot and sexy voluptuous vanquish horny sari. It looked like a bikini with a shawl draped on their shoulders. The staff asked me to wait outside the class at the see through window. As I was watching him conducting the training program class I noticed one woman was constantly gazing at me.

She looked quite young for a family woman. She had a salt and pepper hair knotted back with some white flowers. She wore a dark red maroon tight half sleeved blouse running up to her shoulder thighs with 6 inch gap between the shoulder and elbow with golden silk patches. She draped herself with white sari coated with golden silk patches and maroon border. She had her navel bust open and though her tit was normal sized it looked like a Busty Boobs in that tight bra. Blouse which let her cleavage highly exposed with only her nipples covered.
She was constantly looking at me with a naughty vulgar smile with her sharp dark eyes.
After the training class the faculty came and introduced him and spoke to me. He said he won’t be able to hang out with me today as he had to make some official phone calls. Meanwhile the woman who was gazing at me interrupted our conversation from his back and asked him.

“Who is your friend?” her voice was like a woman having a running nose and spoke a typical Indian English in a local Indian small town accent which appeared so sexy from her red smoking hot lips. When I looked at her I had visions of her in a playboy mansion shooting for lingerie with her sparkling red bra blouse and a sparkling red panties with her Bum and Boobs Bust open climbing down the stone stares with a cigar and smoke puffing out of her sparkling red hot lips.

“He is brother to a friend of mine Mathew Ronald from Britain He is here for his vacation.”
“Hi Mathew” sexy local accent and extended her arms. My penis got extremely hard and raised up I was afraid I would ooze out my semen. She noticed that and smiled going ah!
The man said Matt this is Mrs. Lakshmi Ganesan Madam is from Chennai administration department .She is here for a two day training program.

“Hello Lakshmi”
“Lakshmi?” She asked!
That is your name is it? I asked.
She laughed out with a sexy tone and said “Yes but you should not call me Lakshmi.”
I was confused I asked “You mean your name is not really Lakshmi?”
She made a spicy giggles.
“Okay you guys carry on I have to go. Bye” He said and departed.
“Bye” She said.
“Would you like to have some coffee?” She asked.
“Sure are you paying for me?”
She said “Yes I will pay for you.”
We walked on the platform while she took her lipstick from her hand bag and brushed her smoking hot lips reddish. I held my penis secretly covering it so that no one notices. She went to a local store and bought a cigarette and took a deep puff closing her eyes and looking up to the sky and exhaled and offered me one.

“I don’t smoke” I said. Then she said: “Oh! You don’t smoke cigarettes. She flipped her hand and asked “Electronic?” I even have a cigar and a pipe in my hand bag if you don’t smoke these. I said: “I said I don’t smoke and I don’t drink.” She said: “Oh! Brother I thought I could open a champagne cork with you.” “So tell me something about you.”
I said: “I just finished High school and am here to have some fun.”
She said: “You western people are so lucky you could have all the fun on earth.”
I said: “No it’s not like that I mean you could.”
She said: “No it’s easy for you to say.”
I said: “Why?”
She said: “I am married and I have two children.”
I said: “what? I mean you? Really”
She said: “Yes He told you I am Mrs. Lakshmi remember?”
I said: “Unbelievable I mean you look like a fabulous glamorous young.”
She said: “whahahahat?”
I said: “Yes am serious.”
She said: “I am 51 years old with one daughter and one son and my daughter going to get married next year.”

I said: “No way” She snuggled with her sexy face and coy. We reached the cafe shop and ordered our hot chocolate. She said: “I come from a very old reserved Indian family I got married when I was very young in 20’s you can’t look at a boy who is nice looking and if you look at them people will treat you bad” She cried a bit when she was talking.
I consoled her held her body in arms and said: “it is okay, relax”.

She got highly uncomfortable and moved away and looked at my face for minutes and slightly smiled and looked down coy. Reached her legs towards me and held her arms and I oozed out as I was staring at her 6 inches gap hip with mild low breast slightly peeking out. She immediately pressed my penis with huffs and puffs from her mouth. I slowly reached her face rubbing her back skin with my other arm and neared her nose towards mine. She rubbed her nose on mine and rubbed her face on mine.

She said: “Ummh! Uh! Uhm! Um!” and She locked lips with me tight and licked my tongue with mine and made her tongue fight within our mouths and bit my lips and started munching with my lips. as she munched she hugged me tight and got her butt over my hips and started pounding over me in bare public and the young people in the cafe turned to us and there was dead silence. She looked around after 15 minutes of lip lock and she got highly uncomfortable in public and looked down leaning back.

She said: Uh! Uh! Uhuhuh! She cried and went away with her back skin popping out of low back blouse and 6 inches back hips with slight booty cleavage visible from outside. I chased her and stopped She was silent looking down.
I asked: “What happened to you out there?”
She said: I am sorry.
I asked: “Sorry? Come on its okay. I loved it you’re a really good kisser.”
She slightly looked up for a minute and looked down and started snuggling and slightly giggled and started cackling out loud as we cackled she put her arm on my chest and lean her head over me.

She said: “Uhngm! Very good boy uahh! She removed my sleeveless t shirt button with her mouth and screamed ah! Loud with face full of smile of lust in her eyes, she held my penis and pulled me near her breast and said “Let’s go to a place much more comfortable.”
She ran to a transport vehicle and got on it as I chased her into it and got in the last stop and we chased each other to the metro station and got to the outskirts of Pune and bashed on each other inside a taxi Inside the taxi She was secretly rubbing my penis with one hand and scorching her other hand into my jeans bum I held her hips and squeezed it.

She said: Ah! and opened her mouth looking down. Then smiled slowly and looked into my eyes as I looked into her eyes with her eyes dreaming about lust.She said: “Umm! Ummm! Umm! Umhmmhmmhmm hmmm hmm!” and hugged me. and said “You don’t have a mush and beard?” I said: I did not even age to start shaving. Probably next year or two” She said: “I like a boy without the mush or beard.” looking into my eyes smiling with lust. She laughed: “Uhahahahaha!” “Issey agey nadhi kinare hai taxi nahi jayegi madam yahan utar jao.” said Taxi wala I do understand some Hindi but not too well Lakshmi spoke Hindi but she said she speaks a language called Tamil at her city called Chennai the capital of her state. We got out of taxi paying him and ran to the rock hills where there was a water falls through with river. She held my arms and ran to the falls and stepped into the falls and enjoyed the falls on her. Lakshmi got completely wet in her sari and every part of her sari turned more exposing as the cloth turned transparent.

I came towards her, she removed my sleeveless light blue t shirt and through 10 feet away and removed my belt and pulled out my jeans. I stepped out of my pants looking at her as hugging her hips with my dark red maroon underwear. I held her arms with mine and reached her armpit rubbing my penis on her Bum. I held my arm on her hips and pressed them hard. She got horny as she closed her eyes. I reached her navel and scrubbed it with my finger penetrating my fingers inside her navel she got steamy and held my arms on her cleavage and rubbed it hard and penetrated my arms into her breast and squeezed it. She got steamy and steamy and every time when I rubbed my penis on her bum. She closed her eyes and said: Uh! Um! Uhm! Ah! Ahuh! Ah! Auh! Auhm! Ahm! Auh!

I took both my hands outside her breast blouse and rubbed it scorched it pinched her nipples and started squeezing them over and over again harder and harder for 5 minutes. She got in full mood and turned towards me and said: Auh! Ah! Augh! Aughah! Aung! Oung!” I rubbed my lips on her shoulders and neck and kissed them. She got in full form and turned to me and locked lips with me and said: “Ungh! Umh! Ooooooh! Ooooba Ooooobah! Uhuh!” She swirled around to me locking her lips with mine and tied her leg as knot around my hips and we lied on the falls river rock and started fucking. It started raining heavily and I pushed her sari up and rubbed her thighs kissed her vagina and navel hips and cleavage chest and shoulders and locked lips and penetrated my penis into her for an hour and She turned back I bit her Bums and back licked them and licked her bum cleavage and kissed her shoulders and fucked her back so hard and front my penis turned reddish.

She kissed my penis and put it inside her mouth. I then penetrated my penis into her navel and then inserted my penis in-between her cleavage and she licked my penis whenever it neared her mouth. when I locked lips again and fucked her. She showed her mouth saying “Ruar” “Rar” and during her turn she treated me like a sexual object then she crawled on me wet and fucked I pulled her legs as she crawled out and kissed her back and fucked her. Then I released my semen from back and then released it in front and then 3rd time She drank my semen. And we slept right there whole night in waterfalls and rain. The next day we were somewhere else in the sea shore and it looked like a highway and she woke up saying: “Umh Umm Um Uhm!” rubbing her lips on my lips and woke me up. A car ran in full speed on the road then I got to know where we were.

Then we took a Lorry to Pune and from there took a taxi to my sweet room and She changed her dress that she bought on the way and went to office as if nothing have happened. That evening in my blue lighted room someone knocked the door when I opened it was Mrs. Lakshmi Ganesan She stood there and said looking down wearing a tight black half sleeved bra blouse ending in her half shoulders with a 6 inches gap to her elbow and a pink leaf designed black cotton sari. With her cleavage lower breast and hips waist navel left bust open her arm pits sweating with black dyed hair knotted at the back with white flowers. And 2 white bangles.

She said: “I came from Chennai for a two days training program which ends today tomorrow morning I will go to my home. I guessed this is our last chance to say goodbye.” She smiled lusciously. She hangs on top of me and shut the door and jumped and pounded on me and showed her breast left right back to back and pushed me to the bed. I kissed her arms her shoulders both her arm pits. And rubbed on her neck and kissed them. She said: “I should have asked this before itself.”
I asked: “What?”
She said: “Are you a virgin?” Smiled lusciously
I said: “Yes.” then she kissed me all over my body front and back and kissed my lips and dominated me and shook her sexy booty. And turned off the lights and we started grumbling crawling.
She said: “It does gonna be a rumble in the jungle.” Smiled so luscious and said:
“Common Matt let’s do some mama.” and we rolled left to right snuggling giggling and cackling.
Then we slept.

Husband penis joke

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "MyPenis" and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."